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What should I do if I'm considering a divorce?

If you’re considering a divorce, I would say start looking into your finances, getting some paperwork. A lot of the time, once a spouse has served with divorce paperwork, they’ll go and do something with the financial accounts. They’ll empty it, they’ll take out access, change passwords. So before filing, if you have access to accounts, go ahead and get some statements from the last couple of months so you have those ready. As far as custody, I will always tell people to keep a calendar of events. So if one parent is saying that the other parent doesn’t do anything, they never pick up from school, they never do sports events or anything like that, keep a calendar saying, on this day, I said, Jimmy has football at 3.30. Can you pick him up from practice? He said, no. Put in a calendar, screenshot the text message.

What should I know before filing for divorce?

Before filing a divorce, it’s important to have a general idea of what your finances look like. There are many people who have no idea what retirement, savings, debts they have, and those are all things that we discover throughout the divorce that can change what your game plan is going to be. So if you find out there’s a huge retirement account you hadn’t accounted for before, that’s something that you can rely on in the future to figure out how you’re going to look financially post-divorce. On the other hand, if there’s a large debt, if there is a spouse that has run up a credit card, then that’s something that we’re probably going to have to deal with in a way that’s amenable to both parties to figure out where you’re going to live, whether you’re going to be able to rent or own a home afterwards, what we do with the marital home, things like that.

What should I look for when choosing a divorce lawyer?

When deciding who to choose as your family law attorney, it’s important to feel comfortable with the person you’re choosing. While we’re not therapists, many times that’s what we act as. So to feel comfortable, like you can tell them the truth, because it’s very important that your attorney knows the truth in your case, and that you think they’re fighting for your best interests, and if you have children, that they’re looking out for your children as well.

Advice to protect your child's best interests

I do recommend that depending on the age of the child, how they seem to be handling it, to reach out to a therapist for the child. There’s always a benefit to having a neutral third party that they can talk to, that they know that it’s not going to come back to mom or dad, so they can feel safe expressing how they feel to that person. I always tell the parent, don’t speak about the other parent, don’t speak about the divorce. Your child should have no idea any of this is happening other than the very basic mom and dad have decided we’re going to separate. We both still love you. Nothing is your fault. Don’t involve them in any way otherwise. And continue that for the rest of your parenting time arrangement. They shouldn’t know, “Oh, well, mom said you can’t go with me because she wants to do this,” or whatever it might be. They shouldn’t, as much as it can, it should remain normal for them in the home and after the divorce is finalized with both parents.

How can I modify a custody or support order?

So custody, parenting time and support are always modifiable after you enter your judgment or your order up until the child reaches the age of 18 or in the case of support until they are graduated from high school. To modify an order you can do that through consent. So if both parties agree, then we can type up a new order, go in front of the judge, have it entered. Otherwise you would have to file a motion with the court where you’re heard with a referee or a judge who would then determine what they would do as far as a modification request.

The biggest misconceptions about divorce

One big misconception is that a stay-at-home parent, because they didn’t financially contribute, should not get an equal split of the finances. So if the house was purchased during the marriage, but only one party paid the mortgage, it’s still marital property. So it would need to still be split 50/50. Another misconception is that a child has a right to decide who they’re going to go with for parenting time. That is one of the considerations that the court will look into when deciding the best interest of the child, but it needs to be a child that’s of appropriate age to make that determination and it’s one of only 10 factors so it’s not determinative.

What is the role of mediation in family law?

Mediation in family law cases is where most cases end up. If you are able to settle before we get to that point, that’s fantastic. I call those kitchen table negotiations. But if you are not able to, the court will order you to go to mediation, which is when you meet with a third party neutral attorney who will go between the rooms and try and come to a resolution between both parties that everybody can live with.

Common mistakes during custody battles

During custody battles, many parents will look at what’s best for them, what’s best for their schedule, instead of considering what’s best for their child. At the end of the day, it’s hard to separate the person you’re divorcing from the person that is your child’s parent and determining, well, you might be mad at them for X, Y, and Z. It’s best for a child to have both parents in their life and participating in that.

Contested Divorce vs. Uncontested Divorce

In Michigan, there is a contested or uncontested divorce. In an uncontested or a consent divorce, that is where the parties agree on all the aspects that they need to move forward with the judgment of divorce. That could be custody, parenting time, finances, what to do with the marital home. That’s a pretty simple one. We get the complaint filed with the court. Then after a certain time frame, we can go ahead and file the judgment of divorce. Both parties would sign it. We enter it with the judge. And then within 61 days, you can be divorced. Fortunately, with a contested divorce, there is a lot more cost associated with that, a lot more court time that’s associated with that. Most cases in Michigan are resolved through mediation. So the court, if both parties are represented by an attorney, will order that the parties go to a mediation. At mediation, then we’ll go through, figure out what is the best solution for everyone, what can everyone live with to get this done. If that unfortunately does not work, your next step is a trial. Where we go and we go in front of the judge, we argue every aspect of the case and the judge determines what the dissolution of your marriage is going to look like.

How do the courts decide on custody arrangements?

Courts look at the best interests of the minor children. Those things include who is the one that’s making the medical decisions, the school decision, who helps the child with homework, who’s financially supporting the child, are there any mental health or physical health issues that would prevent a parent from parenting their child. After they have to go through each one of those factors to determine if it favors one party or the other and then after that the court will make a determination regarding custody and parenting time.

How is child support calculated in Michigan?

In Michigan, child support is calculated by looking at the incomes of both parties, the number of overnights each party has with the minor child, and any extenuating circumstances, like if one party is paying for health insurance or daycare for the child, that gets factored into the child support. It’s a calculator, essentially.

How long does it take to get a divorce?

In a case with minor children, there is a six-month waiting period. The courts will waive the six-month waiting period for good cause. The soonest you can get a divorce is 61 days after the date of filing, and most cases are resolved by the one-year mark.

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